damn... marketing is hard work (especially when you don't have a budget!) bent focus is coming along though! i'm really excited about the possibilities!
i'm in atlanta for a week (for the "day job"). it's alright. i feel like a little kid on vacation with family i don't know or something. the vendor that i'm working with here feels like he has to go with me EVERYWHERE... to keep me entertained... to... smother me with... with... good times... or something...? Ugh.
i don't know. i mean, don't get me wrong— being wined and dined for a week is nice and all, but this shy, 40-something, married dude from Podunk PA doesn't really have a lot in common with me: a fairly outgoing, 20-something, lesbian from urban Dallas... erg! i don't know who's having a worse time! :p
i did manage to sneak away this afternoon and locate Atlanta's small (but nice) gayborhood! :)
11.01.2005
10.27.2005
bent focus
Ok, so I think I'm ready to unveil the new leg of my photography business...
this is photography for the rest of us.
http://www.bentfocus.com
info@bentfocus.com
this is photography for the rest of us.
http://www.bentfocus.com
info@bentfocus.com
9.06.2005
WATCH ESPN2 TONIGHT!
http://www.DCI.org/2npse/
http://www.DCI.org/2npse/
http://www.DCI.org/2npse/
:)
http://www.DCI.org/2npse/
http://www.DCI.org/2npse/
:)
8.25.2005
oh my god this is the longest week in the history of... weeks...
it should SO totally be friday by now.
well, the AHS class of 1994's big 11 year reunion has come and gone... and i'm a better person because of the whole experience.
i attended (with H by my side), and it went really, really well... i mean, i didn't really have any expectations (actually maybe i had a few, but they weren't very high). i mean, sure— there were people who didn't talk to me... i expected that, and i REALLY don't give a shit. That's totally their loss. For REAl.
What made it worth it were the people who surprised me with their kindness and support (and cheers! :) and we had a jolly good time!! there were old, embarrassing photos of me with big bangs, there was a lot of good food, beer, conversation and hugs. Looks of astonishment and shock at how much we have ALL changed over the past 11 years (some of us more than others, some good, some really, REALLY bad...)
it was nice to see people that i'd lost touch with LONG ago and realize that we are all WAY cooler now than then...
BUT, most of all, it was fun to secretly laugh at all how fat the bitchy ex-cheerleaders are now that they're married with 4 kids and no life of their own :)
J/K
(sort of ;)
it should SO totally be friday by now.
well, the AHS class of 1994's big 11 year reunion has come and gone... and i'm a better person because of the whole experience.
i attended (with H by my side), and it went really, really well... i mean, i didn't really have any expectations (actually maybe i had a few, but they weren't very high). i mean, sure— there were people who didn't talk to me... i expected that, and i REALLY don't give a shit. That's totally their loss. For REAl.
What made it worth it were the people who surprised me with their kindness and support (and cheers! :) and we had a jolly good time!! there were old, embarrassing photos of me with big bangs, there was a lot of good food, beer, conversation and hugs. Looks of astonishment and shock at how much we have ALL changed over the past 11 years (some of us more than others, some good, some really, REALLY bad...)
it was nice to see people that i'd lost touch with LONG ago and realize that we are all WAY cooler now than then...
BUT, most of all, it was fun to secretly laugh at all how fat the bitchy ex-cheerleaders are now that they're married with 4 kids and no life of their own :)
J/K
(sort of ;)
8.16.2005
old wounds
i spent my entire primary and secondary education years deep inside my little internalized, homophobic closet. i was petrified that someone would find out what i really was (i didn't really even know what that was exactly — or if there were even others like me — until well into my teen years).
i hated being gay. i hated myself more.
i played "straight" games. i invented crushes on boys-- just so i'd fit in. i kept the truth inside.
my high school reunion is this next saturday, and the people who are planning this thing put up a website so everyone could upload current photos of themselves (and their husbands/wives and kids, etc.). I've pondered and struggled for several months about whether or not to send in pictures of H. and myself... I mean, why shouldn't I? EVERYONE else is married (most with kids), and probably didn't even think twice about sharing the important people in their life.
over the past 11 years i've only come out to 2 of my friends from HS... i don't even really TALK to anyone from good ol' AHS anymore... so why should I give a shit?
those old wounds have resurfaced, and that fear from my youth has clenched its grip yet again after all these years, and i've been scared out of my mind — just like i was back then, and i really don't know why. I don't KNOW these people anymore. I don't care what they think.
for weeks now i've watch photo after photo go up on this website... "susie whatsit and her husband bob" ... " joe schmo, wife sally and their 2 kids"...
ugh.
well, i started an email yesterday at lunch... "here's a couple of recent photos of myself and of my partner, H...". i attached 3 pictures. Then i saved it as a draft...
i couldn't for the life of me hit 'send"
that damn email haunted me all day long until finally i opened it (for the 12th time that afternoon) and just did it... i didn't even re-read it, or think about it... i just "sent"
now, a day later – after i've seen the photos uploaded to the site (along with everyone else's)... I'm sitting here trying to think how to put into words how i feel...
a little scared. nervous. proud. happy. authentic...
free.
i hated being gay. i hated myself more.
i played "straight" games. i invented crushes on boys-- just so i'd fit in. i kept the truth inside.
my high school reunion is this next saturday, and the people who are planning this thing put up a website so everyone could upload current photos of themselves (and their husbands/wives and kids, etc.). I've pondered and struggled for several months about whether or not to send in pictures of H. and myself... I mean, why shouldn't I? EVERYONE else is married (most with kids), and probably didn't even think twice about sharing the important people in their life.
over the past 11 years i've only come out to 2 of my friends from HS... i don't even really TALK to anyone from good ol' AHS anymore... so why should I give a shit?
those old wounds have resurfaced, and that fear from my youth has clenched its grip yet again after all these years, and i've been scared out of my mind — just like i was back then, and i really don't know why. I don't KNOW these people anymore. I don't care what they think.
for weeks now i've watch photo after photo go up on this website... "susie whatsit and her husband bob" ... " joe schmo, wife sally and their 2 kids"...
ugh.
well, i started an email yesterday at lunch... "here's a couple of recent photos of myself and of my partner, H...". i attached 3 pictures. Then i saved it as a draft...
i couldn't for the life of me hit 'send"
that damn email haunted me all day long until finally i opened it (for the 12th time that afternoon) and just did it... i didn't even re-read it, or think about it... i just "sent"
now, a day later – after i've seen the photos uploaded to the site (along with everyone else's)... I'm sitting here trying to think how to put into words how i feel...
a little scared. nervous. proud. happy. authentic...
free.
7.27.2005
Camping...
Dirty Jester
Originally uploaded by amy04.
We went camping this last weekend (Mistake #1-- it was hot as 50 hells).
MIstake #2 staying for two nights instead of one... ugh. I'm still recovering (and sunburned!)
Jester had fun, though :) She got to play in the lake... but man, did she get DIRTY.
I finally gave her a bath last night-- stiiinn-ky!
Camping is fun... especially GAY camping! :) All those old queens definitely make sure the lesbians are taken care of! :)
WE cook hot dogs and marshmallows on a STICK, over an open flame... THEY have potlucks with grilled chicken, salads and banana puddin'...
now THAT is some FANCY camping :)
7.26.2005
BLECHT!
i've been a TOTAL slacker at work this week...
you know how sometimes you have those days* where you don't wanna be productive at ALL...
you'd rather just sit on the internet all day, using your company's time and money to research stupid things like trumpet mouthpieces and zoom lenses...
no?
Hmm.
Maybe it's just me, then.
*weeks.
you know how sometimes you have those days* where you don't wanna be productive at ALL...
you'd rather just sit on the internet all day, using your company's time and money to research stupid things like trumpet mouthpieces and zoom lenses...
no?
Hmm.
Maybe it's just me, then.
*weeks.
7.19.2005
i really wish...
i had more time to post. life has been busy and full lately, which is definitely a good thing, but i have to remind myself that there are things that i forget to do for me... and those are among the most important of all.
i'm trying to do better.
still working out in the mornings before work (go me!) so far, i've gone the last 7 out of 9 days (not bad, if i do say so myself! :) i didn't quite make it out of bed saturday or sunday... oh well. i'm aiming to be 85% good 85% of the time... we'll see how that works out!
i worked late last night. i had to photograph an "Ops Committee Outing" it was fun... free booze AND i think i got some really great shots (of bowling, but whatever...)
i rented the lenses that i'm wanting (just to practice with last night). i loved them so much that i placed the order for both of them this morning!
more to come on that new (ad)venture...
now... off to work.
(2 weeks until IKEA!! :) :)
i'm trying to do better.
still working out in the mornings before work (go me!) so far, i've gone the last 7 out of 9 days (not bad, if i do say so myself! :) i didn't quite make it out of bed saturday or sunday... oh well. i'm aiming to be 85% good 85% of the time... we'll see how that works out!
i worked late last night. i had to photograph an "Ops Committee Outing" it was fun... free booze AND i think i got some really great shots (of bowling, but whatever...)
i rented the lenses that i'm wanting (just to practice with last night). i loved them so much that i placed the order for both of them this morning!
more to come on that new (ad)venture...
now... off to work.
(2 weeks until IKEA!! :) :)
7.15.2005
7.11.2005
kickin' ass
i am SOOOO proud of myself! I actually got my lazy ass up and went to the gym this morning before work!
one day down (4 to go) — hey, it's a start, right?
it wasn't nearly as terrible as i thought it'd be. back in the day, when i was a lean, mean workout machine, I would do my workouts in the morning. i really prefer getting it over with. now, i'm through for the day, and my evening is free to be productive (ehem... i WILL be productive... dammit)
tonight: 1) tan 2) grocery 3) laundry
and, if i have time after that, i'll work on some of this freelance stuff
:)
but thank the Lord in heaven... no cardio! (at least not until tomorrow morning at 6:30)
one day down (4 to go) — hey, it's a start, right?
it wasn't nearly as terrible as i thought it'd be. back in the day, when i was a lean, mean workout machine, I would do my workouts in the morning. i really prefer getting it over with. now, i'm through for the day, and my evening is free to be productive (ehem... i WILL be productive... dammit)
tonight: 1) tan 2) grocery 3) laundry
and, if i have time after that, i'll work on some of this freelance stuff
:)
but thank the Lord in heaven... no cardio! (at least not until tomorrow morning at 6:30)
6.20.2005
ughhhh ppbltblbtlbtlbtb
i feel, like, sooooo totally gross.
i've been "bad" all weekend. i started off ok this morning, but THEN i was "bad" again at lunch.
now... NOW... i feel... oh.. so... very... guilty.
i'm a bad, BAD weight loser... i have absolutely NO follow-through.
ARGH...
why can't i DO this!?!?
I USED to do it. I was really fit (skinny, even!) a good 24/25 out of my 29 years. WHAT HAPPENED? I'll tell you what... Life happened. Well, that and my metabolism ran off to guam with my self-discipline.
you know, i start with the best of intentions, fully motivated (by external factors, because God knows, i can't INTERNALLY motivate myself),
but then... a week later, i totally crash and burn in a big, fat blaze of excess.
i need a good swift kick in the ass.
...i also need some pepto.
bleh.
i've been "bad" all weekend. i started off ok this morning, but THEN i was "bad" again at lunch.
now... NOW... i feel... oh.. so... very... guilty.
i'm a bad, BAD weight loser... i have absolutely NO follow-through.
ARGH...
why can't i DO this!?!?
I USED to do it. I was really fit (skinny, even!) a good 24/25 out of my 29 years. WHAT HAPPENED? I'll tell you what... Life happened. Well, that and my metabolism ran off to guam with my self-discipline.
you know, i start with the best of intentions, fully motivated (by external factors, because God knows, i can't INTERNALLY motivate myself),
but then... a week later, i totally crash and burn in a big, fat blaze of excess.
i need a good swift kick in the ass.
...i also need some pepto.
bleh.
6.18.2005
body for life
i'm back to BFL.
i feel really good about it this time around. since quitting football, i've gained too much freakin' weight! ugh.
so, i'm trying really hard. i don't know what the better motivation is: my 11 year high school reunion (hey--my class was ALWAYS a little tardy ;) or the fact that i want to be able to keep up with H... whatever it is, i'm going with it. i have a hard time motivating myself, so i'm grabbing on to whatever external motivation there is, and i'm gonna ride it back to skinnytown! ;)
BUT WOW!!! I had the BEST "free meal" last night: PIZZA, wine AND I made chocolate cupcakes!!
mmmm, miserably YUMMY! :)
Now, I'm back to being good and eating right. it's not nearly as much fun, but oh well... "nothing tastes as good as being fit feels", or at least that's what they say... I SAY, they should have a bite of those cupcakes I made last night! :)
i feel really good about it this time around. since quitting football, i've gained too much freakin' weight! ugh.
so, i'm trying really hard. i don't know what the better motivation is: my 11 year high school reunion (hey--my class was ALWAYS a little tardy ;) or the fact that i want to be able to keep up with H... whatever it is, i'm going with it. i have a hard time motivating myself, so i'm grabbing on to whatever external motivation there is, and i'm gonna ride it back to skinnytown! ;)
BUT WOW!!! I had the BEST "free meal" last night: PIZZA, wine AND I made chocolate cupcakes!!
mmmm, miserably YUMMY! :)
Now, I'm back to being good and eating right. it's not nearly as much fun, but oh well... "nothing tastes as good as being fit feels", or at least that's what they say... I SAY, they should have a bite of those cupcakes I made last night! :)
6.02.2005
my new hobby...
...is moving. Apparently.
BUT I am movin' on up (from the 3rd floor to the 6th), AND, as an added bonus, i am now the proud renter of a "normal-sized" /non-efficiency apartment! Woot!
Technically, there were two moves (for twice the fun). H and i are now, finally, OFFICIALLY "typical" (we received our certificate and toaster oven yesterday). i know we had planned on waiting, but opportunity came a' knockin' on my tiny, 280sqft
apartment door; so we jumped on it, tied it down, strapped it to a dolly and moved.
i guess i'm gonna go pop open a miller light and unpack another box...
wish me luck!
BUT I am movin' on up (from the 3rd floor to the 6th), AND, as an added bonus, i am now the proud renter of a "normal-sized" /non-efficiency apartment! Woot!
Technically, there were two moves (for twice the fun). H and i are now, finally, OFFICIALLY "typical" (we received our certificate and toaster oven yesterday). i know we had planned on waiting, but opportunity came a' knockin' on my tiny, 280sqft
apartment door; so we jumped on it, tied it down, strapped it to a dolly and moved.
i guess i'm gonna go pop open a miller light and unpack another box...
wish me luck!
5.23.2005
FINISHED!!
...for now.
i'm SOOOOO FRIGGIN THROUGH with fabric tension booth designs.
in fact, if i didn't hate them before — i hate them now.
PLUS i'm feeling unmotivated, uninspired and ready to quit my sell-out of a job — workin for "the man" and the rest of corporate america creating this "art" that they think is "creative and pretty, but don't think quite 'works"
**pltpplplplplplplplppplplplplppp** :P
i'm going to bed.
i'm SOOOOO FRIGGIN THROUGH with fabric tension booth designs.
in fact, if i didn't hate them before — i hate them now.
PLUS i'm feeling unmotivated, uninspired and ready to quit my sell-out of a job — workin for "the man" and the rest of corporate america creating this "art" that they think is "creative and pretty, but don't think quite 'works"
**pltpplplplplplplplppplplplplppp** :P
i'm going to bed.
5.20.2005
my dog is driving me crazy
favorite things
Originally uploaded by amy04.
...don't get me wrong. i LOVE this damn dog.
she is the best dog EVER!
**BUT**
she is pissing me off.
i'm trying to work (fabric tension booth, remember?... HUGE complicated project? ...yep, that's the one.)
anyhoo — she wants to play, which, any other night, would be FIIIINE. her constant pawing, whining and droping her favorite toy (*see photo*) REPEATEDLY in my lap would otherwise be satisfied with a romp on the floor and a nice game of fetch...
however — i'm REALLY not in the mood tonight, nor do i have the time.
jester is a smart dog though. she keeps pushing said "favorite toy" under the couch (beyond her reach, of course). wherefore, further PAWING ensues (at the couch), THEREFORE, further annoying the ever-lovin-hell out of ME. WHICH, in turn, prompts me to STOP what i'm working on, get up off the couch, get onto my hand and knees and dig around in the pit of dispair under my couch until i locate her slimy, slobbery toy.
lather. rinse. repeat.
she's killin' me.
TGIF
this is the end of "employee appreciation week" here at work...
i think if they REALLY appreciated us, they'd let us go home early today.
it's been SUCH a LONG week and i'm ready G.O. go.
granted, it HAS been "jean day" everyday this week. maybe that's what's thrown me off... usually when i wear jeans to work, i can look forward to THAT day being the LAST day of the week...
so, i've had FOUR "psuedo" friday's this week... NO WONDER it's been the longest week EVER.
thank GOD today is the REAL deal.
i think if they REALLY appreciated us, they'd let us go home early today.
it's been SUCH a LONG week and i'm ready G.O. go.
granted, it HAS been "jean day" everyday this week. maybe that's what's thrown me off... usually when i wear jeans to work, i can look forward to THAT day being the LAST day of the week...
so, i've had FOUR "psuedo" friday's this week... NO WONDER it's been the longest week EVER.
thank GOD today is the REAL deal.
5.19.2005
here i go again
...not sure how long it'll last (today only? a week? who knows?!)
i SHOULD be working on a ginormous* freelance project — a design for a tension-fabric trade show booth... unfortunately for my client, i've never created art for tension fabric tradeshow booths before.
*sigh*
not sure i have the correct specs. not sure i have the time. i AM sure that i need the extra money (ka-CHING), so I'm SURE that i'll figure it out...
just not tonight.
I'm SO excited about my new camera. Gonna dust off the cobwebs and seriously pursue photography AS A BUSINESS this time around. Not sure if it will be photography only... or photography and design... or what...? TBD... But i like having options.
speaking of...
i think i'll get back to reading that manual. Digital is a whole new world, yo
* new, hip word that is, apparently, all the rage with the kids these days... i'm cool like that
i SHOULD be working on a ginormous* freelance project — a design for a tension-fabric trade show booth... unfortunately for my client, i've never created art for tension fabric tradeshow booths before.
*sigh*
not sure i have the correct specs. not sure i have the time. i AM sure that i need the extra money (ka-CHING), so I'm SURE that i'll figure it out...
just not tonight.
I'm SO excited about my new camera. Gonna dust off the cobwebs and seriously pursue photography AS A BUSINESS this time around. Not sure if it will be photography only... or photography and design... or what...? TBD... But i like having options.
speaking of...
i think i'll get back to reading that manual. Digital is a whole new world, yo
* new, hip word that is, apparently, all the rage with the kids these days... i'm cool like that
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